top of page

Low Self Esteem In Relationships

Low Self Esteem in Relationships

It has been said that 'To succeed at anything, it is entirely dependent on the quality of our relationships'.

Yet if we are someone with low self esteem, with low confidence, or someone who has doubts about ourselves, then how can we enjoy fulfilling, and happy relationships and succeed as others do?

Weather talking about business contacts, friends, family, or that special someone, we all need people. Yes even the most introverted ones amongst us, need people to get along in life. This about it. What can you do in life without needing someone else? This is the beauty of the world we live in. We all need each other in one way or another.

Everything we want to succeed in, means having quality relationships with people. Yet most of us drift in and out without really thinking what that means.

How can someone with low self esteem get good relationships?

Key factors in creating strong connections with people if you have low self esteem:

  1. 'Stay in your head and you're dead'. When building a relationship, and even more so when we have low self esteem too, it's easy to be focused entirely on ourselves. How we are feeling. How we look. How we come across to the other person. Are we good enough? We tend to dial up our focusing on ourselves and the negative chatter. Dial it down and focus on the person you are with. How are they feeling? How do they look? Appreciate them. They are not too different from you.The more you get out of your head, the more your connection will grow.

  2. Sacrifice feeling comfortable and secure for more adventure and try new things. As human beings we tend to love our security. But this can mean doing less, experiencing less things in life and sharing less with those who we are with.

  3. Instead of not liking differences between you, embrace them, love them. We only grow as people when we experience new ways of being. The longer we cling onto the way we are and don't like being another way, we put walls between ourselves and any potential partner.

  4. The way we are when we cultivate relationships makes all the difference. Do we show up with the intention of putting into the relationship or are we asking what we can get out of it?

To feel successful in life, it is not enough to simply know people or have social media friends. We need to grow rich quality relationships and we do this by sharing.

Some of the ways we hurt relationships, things to watch out for are: By isolating ourselves due to some fear, or by viewing ourselves as different from everyone else, or by giving hurtful meanings to other people's actions, by believing it's better to be right rather than being together, or by responding to others out of fear or anger or doubt. If you catch yourself doing any of these, find a way to reset yourself quickly.

Reinventing your Relationships

Every act of kindness will nourish a relationship. Bitter words, making your point, being right, withdrawing, always taking never giving, will always be a source of poison in a relationship.

Trust will give your relationship strength. Always do what you say you will do. Always talk with your partners even about the bad that you feel sometimes. Trust means always being there no matter what. It means being present in the moment.

Understand your partners needs. Show up for them. Don't be afraid to ask anything. Show them you want to help them. Always know, no matter how they seem, life is always just as hard for them as it is for you. Some just don't show it the same way.

Listen with presence. Stop your thoughts as you listen, be present for your friends and partners. Show them you are interested to know more.

A great relationship isn't great because it was great at the start, it's great because of what you put in consistently. Put in 100%, not 50/50. Don't meet them half way. Put in 100% of you.

People differ so treat them in the way they like to be treated, not how you like to treat them. Be open about yourself. Your fears, your strengths, your loves, your hates. Let yourself be vulnerable.

These are relationship skills that can take any friendship, business, or intimate relationship to the next level. So few people actually sit down and work on these simple things. If you do, your relationships will be vastly different to those of other people who just unconsciously react to everything. People who just react suffer when the world doesn't match their expectations and they often don't understand why.

Start these today and you start creating relationships at a level you may never have experienced before. Or ignore this message and stay the same. Everything is choice. Your power to decide and do something different is what will create a more fulfilled and happy life.

If you have doubts about yourself and it's getting in the way of a happy and fulfilled life, you might be interested in my free book on beating self doubt here Self Doubt Book.


Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page