How do you Move On?
Someone recently asked this in a Facebook group where I like to contribute. A lady had been in a relationship for a few years after which her partner left her. Almost 2 years later she is still struggling to move on.
It's not uncommon, and many of us will feel like this at sometime in our lives for varying circumstances. Maybe you can already remember a time that you found difficult to move on from? I have certainly had more than my fair share with this in the past and it can get really tough to move on.
But you know it's also really tough to be stuck and to hold on so tightly. It can be exhausting. You see, great effort is needed to hold on in this way.
To hold on you have to keep going back to it. You have to concentrate on it and focus your attention on it. You have to replay times past over and over. You have to tell yourself that it was your fault and if only you could have... then maybe they would still be here.
To keep it you have to keep talking about it. To yourself and to others. The more you do this, it becomes your story, of what happened, of why, of what it says about who you are.
All of this is exhausting and it blocks us from moving on. Stop doing all of the above. Stop thinking back and remembering, stop looking for reasons why it happened. Stop going over it, over and over again. It has happened and its time to make a decision and move on.
Instead think what you want for your future. Be realistic and set yourself small goals that you can achieve. Start working on them today, right now even! Challenge yourself, prove to yourself that you can do it. The more you do this, the more you let go. The more change and uncertainty you can have in your life the more free and happier you become, the more freedom you will enjoy.
"Look forward not backward."
But if it's this simple, why do we keep looking back and find it so difficult to move on?
The reason why it can be so difficult and why for others it seems easy comes down to what we are getting from it. By looking back and remembering we are giving ourselves, indulging in, feelings similar to the connection again, even though the reality is that it has gone.
We all have a basic human need for connection, and we all satisfy that need in all kinds of different ways. Some people are immensely connected to their pets, to their home, their friends, some can connect well with themselves even. But if you only connect with one person you will feel more hurt than if you met your need for connection with many people. So how do you meet your need for connection? Could you build on this? How could you start? Right now?
By changing how we fulfil our basic need for connection and by looking forward and not back, by creating a future that we want and can have, this is how we set ourselves free.
If you want to know more then BOOK a FREE Life Coaching Discovery Session with me to see what Life Coaching could do for you.
Chris